why poverty luxe?

last week i outlined what the poverty luxe lifestyle is, now today i want to talk about why we live poverty luxe. i mean, why dont we just dave ramsay ourselves to financial freedom? why dont we just work a million side-hustles to make more money? why dont we devote ourselves to being as frugal as humanly possible to save every penny we can? why dont we just accept that were poor and live "like poor people are supposed to"?

well, the short answer to that is because none of that is what we want. in fact, some of that is stuff weve tried, and frankly, it doesnt make us happy. why? (again, short answer here), is because all of those lifestyles require being obsessed with money: how much you have, how much you want to have, and how youre going to get it. 

the long answer is that while weve always struggled financially, ive always had expensive taste, and james has always had expensive hobbies. to make things even more difficult, neither of us were taught good financial management skills growing up. as you can imagine, our first couple of years were bad and the life we had made for our family looked nothing like what either of us wanted. we (and by we i mostly mean i) were pretty dang miserable: no matter what we did, we were always out of money with nothing much to show for it. 

after that i spent a lot of time reading about personal finance: different rules, different plans, different methods, and nothing really worked for us. a lot of the information out there operates under the assumption that you make plenty of money but are irresponsible with how you spend it (which is exactly the opposite of our problem), that youre trying to pay off a ton of debt (we didnt have any debt until this last year and only have a modest balance on one credit card because james had a bad year while i was in school), or that any kind of extravagance is completely off limits until you have a certain amount of money in the bank (im not even going to go in to why i despise this mindset). and dont even get me started on the kinds of stuff i found while looking for frugal living tips...

we wanted to make a better life for ourselves, both in the short term and the long term, but we also wanted to make sure that we werent saving "enjoying life" for some unknown (and not guaranteed) future time when wed have enough money to "deserve" nice things. 

so we learned. we adapted. we applied what we could from the research i had done but disregarded the rest. we figured out what was important to us and what wasnt. we figured out exactly where our money went and why we were running out every month. we cut back where we could to make room for the "luxuries" that made us happy (healthy food, disneyland, nice clothes, dinners out, etc.). weve spent the past five years figuring out the balance between the money we have and the life we want, and I'm glad we did, because even though we dont have a lot, were at least taking steps to making a life that makes us happy instead of making ourselves miserable doing what other people say we should do. 

and now, im going to start sharing some of the tips and tricks so that you can learn to love living the broke life too. its possible, i promise. 

are you out there living the broke life too? what do you want to learn? 

8 tips to keep you from going broke on maternity clothes.

im going to be completely real here, i HATE maternity clothes. a strong, powerful, oddly disproportionate hate like the hate i have for morissey and wil wheaton and things that are orange-flavored. i hate having to buy special, single purpose garments for a very specific, very temporary transitional period in life that lasts approximately five months. when you add the fact that the majority of traditional maternity clothes are expensive, unflattering, uncomfortable, and inexplicably geared to the over-40 set style-wise, well, there are a whole lot of layers to that hate-cake. 

but being pregnant doesnt have to mean dropping hundreds of dollars on clothes that you hate. i mean, theres not a whole lot you can do to change whats already out there in the world of maternity clothes, it turns out there are actually quite a few things you can do to make things easier in the money department. 

and now that i have (almost) two whole pregnancies under my (currently very large) belt, i herby present to you my top eight tips for saving money on maternity clothes: 

1. re-evaluate your "normal" clothes. so the idea that youre going to need an ENTIRE new wardrobe as soon as you find out youre pregnant is a total lie, because 1. its probably going to be a while before you actually need different clothes (especially if its your first pregnancy) and 2. you probably have a LOT of regular clothes that will serve you well through pregnancy. things like: long/loose tops, sweaters, jackets, empire waist/fit and flare dresses, stretchy skirts, leggings, etc.. so before you rush out and buy anything, move all of THAT stuff to the front of your closet and see how far you can go. 

2. splurge on a belly band. these range anywhere from $15 to upwards of $60, which is an absolutely stupid price for whats basically just a circle of stretchy fabric that really isnt all that comfortable (personally i find it very itchy and constricting). but, it does have two key benefits (especially for the first half of pregnancy/postpartum): 1. it lets you wear your normal pants unbuttoned without them falling down/everyone being able to see your open pants, and 2. it fills in the gap when your shirts start getting too short (but not necessarily too small). 

3. dont get ahead of yourself. i know the idea of a single, big maternity shopping spree to outfit yourself for your entire pregnancy might sound super fun and efficient. but honestly thats a surefire way to end up wasting a TON of money on clothes that wont get worn. why? because, like most things involving babies, you really CAN NOT anticipate what youre going to need until you actually need it (or dont need it). there is literally NO way to predict how big you are going to get at what stage, how youre going to carry, or what kind of clothes you are going to want to wear/feel comfortable in once you get bigger. so when you run out of pants or shirts or underwear or whatever that fit, go get that one thing you KNOW you need, and hold off on everything else. 

4. look for non-maternity alternatives. heres the thing with anything labeled "maternity": much like anything labeled "wedding", whatever it is is going to cost about three-four times as much as its normal counterpart. but the thing is (just like with weddings) sometimes there is literally no difference. take extra-long tank tops for layering: theyre a good $20 + in the maternity section (even at cheap places like h&m), but you can get them at forever 21 for like $4. another great trick (especially for skirts and dresses) is to find a flattering cut thats loose around the belly area, and buying it in a larger than normal size. in addition to saving you tons of money, it will not have the belly-accentuating gathers and panels that maternity clothes tend to have, so you can continue to wear them postpartum without still looking pregnant (trust me on this, you do NOT want to be wearing belly-emphasizing maternity clothes after the baby is born). 

5. invest in versatile basics. as with clothing in general, youll get a LOT more mileage out of your maternity budget if you stick to higher quality, mix and match pieces in neutral colors. one really great dress or pair or pants can be dressed up or down in a variety of combinations and no one will really notice, but loud, trendy tops will only last you a few wears. also, great basics are less likely to go out of style, and a LOT more likely to be useful to save for your next pregnancy/hand down to another expecting mom. 

6. always look check the clearance sales. there is one plus side to the fact that maternity clothes tend to be horribly dated: the stuff on clearance is exactly the same as the stuff thats regular price. wherever youre shopping, whether its an an actual maternity store like motherhood or somewhere less expected like h&m or amazon, check the clearance, because there is probably something fantastic/necessary for a fraction of the price. actual real-life clearance scores so far: $6 and $12 nursing bras, a $12 bathing suit, $5 tshirts, and a very, very versatile black and white striped dress (because we all know how i love those) for $25. all because i checked the clearance. 

7. thrift/consignment stores, thredup, and your other mom friends. so far ive only talked about buying new maternity clothes. but, of course, theres also the option of not buying new maternity clothes. since theyre typically worn for such a short time, most used pieces are still in fabulous condition, and if you have the patience/free time for it (but if you dont, thredup is a wonderful online substitute) you can find deals way better than the clearance racks. also, hand me downs. if you have other friends that are new moms, pregnancy is not a time to be too proud for hand me downs. 

8. consider your postpartum needs when youre shopping. i really, really hate to break it to you, but you are probably not going straight back to your pre-pregnancy shape immediately after giving birth. youll need transitional clothes. also, if youre planning on nursing, youll need tops and dresses that will work for that too. BUT, if you carefully select your maternity purchases so that theyre also useful postpartum, then you can really stretch your clothing budget. 

so yeah, long story short, maternity clothes kind of suck. but at least they dont have to eat all your money. 

10 stupid simple ways to save money on groceries.

ive been meaning to go deeper into the whole "saving money on groceries" business, but since its such a multifaceted, complex issue that i could probably talk about nonstop for a few days, i never got started. because, well, i didnt know where to start. but then i realized that it doesnt need to be that complicated. most budget-living type blogs make it way to complicated. 

and it doesnt have to be like that. 

in fact, it can be simple. stupid simple even. 

so today, im going to share a few stupid simple ways to shave a few bucks off your grocery budget. small things. easy things. things you might not even notice or miss. now, im going to have to disclaimer here that not all of these tips will necessarily work in every family/situation, and no one thing in particular will magically solve your grocery budget problems (not saying you have grocery budget problems, but i mean, you are reading this blog), BUT every small change adds up, and in my experience, several small changes can get you way farther than one big step. 

here we go: 

1. only buy what you need to get to your next shopping trip. whether you go to the store once a week, once a month, or every three days, do not buy more than you know you are going to use up between now and that next trip. i know what youre thinking "but what about sales? what about stocking up?". well, with very few exceptions, those are lies that stores tell you to get you to buy more things. you will save way more money by just buying what you need when you need it than trying to play the price-cycle game. (now, pardon me while the entire saving-money-on-groceries community on the internet starts throwing things at me)

2. eat your leftovers. wasted food = wasted money. if you find yourself with (a reasonable quantity of) leftovers, for crying out loud, eat them before the go bad. im not saying save the bag of chip crumbs or the three green beans nobody ate, but if youre regularly throwing away half a lasagna because you forgot to eat it in time, then maybe you need to get better at eating leftovers. 

3. if you dont actually eat it, stop buying it. whatever it is that you have crowding your pantry or freezer not getting eaten, or keeps going bad before you get to it, no matter how healthy it is or how much you should be eating it, just stop. there is absolutely no reason to buy food out of guilt or obligation. if youre not going to eat it this week, you dont need it. 

4. drink water. this was one that really hit home for us, see, i used to drink a ton of soda, and james would drink milk or juice all the livelong day if i let him. at some point i actually looked at how much money we spent each week on beverages, and it was a good 10-20% of our total grocery bill. ON BEVERAGES. you know how water is free? yeah...

5. cut back on snacks/processed/packaged foods. i dont know where this idea came from that poor people have to eat crap food out of boxes because thats whats most affordable. this is a lie. if you take a closer look, youll actually see that per ounce/per calorie, processed/packaged foods are actually some of the most expensive foods there are. now dont get me wrong, treats totally have their place, but as treats. 

6. plan your meals. im not saying you have to make a detailed, elaborate meal plan or spend your entire day making a month of freezer meals, but i am saying that if you go to the store knowing what youre going there to buy, youre going to have an easier time resisting the endcap sales and impulse purchases. 

7. pack your lunch. i shouldnt have to tell you that throwing together a quick lunch is way cheaper than buying a prepackaged (or takeout) meal. you might spend $4-5 on an individual salad, but for the same amount of money, you could buy enough lettuce, toppings, and dressing for a few salads. or even better, if your work/school situation allows for it bring leftovers for lunch. kill two birds with one stone. thats always cool. 

8. check prices on fresh vs. frozen produce. generally speaking, youre going to get significantly more produce for your money by choosing fresh over canned or frozen. but depending on the season, frozen might be way cheaper. this one is always worth a quick check (especially where berries are concerned). 

9. stick to your list. you know what the biggest grocery budget killer is? impulse purchases. you know, "lets get some chips!" "oooh! cake mix is on clearance!" or if youre shopping with my husband, "can we get bacon?". if you want your spending to get out of control fast, start adding some fun little extras as you shop. or just stick to your list and bask in the glory of not overspending. 

10. when in doubt, go without. almost every time im at the store, no matter how watertight i think my plan and list are, ill have these little doubts, like, "are we out of x? am i sure we have enough of y", with x or y being some kind of pantry staple, usually under $5, so it never seems like a big deal. but after about a million times of buying another dozen eggs "just in case" and coming home to find ten eggs in the fridge, ive learned to just go on with my list and keep shopping. if i indulge all of those little doubts, the grocery budget is blown on extra food we dont need, if i wait it out, nine times out of ten were just fine. (the rest of the time i can send james over to dollar tree...)

see, saving money on groceries is NOT complicated. its NOT hard. and you dont even have to change where or how you shop to see a difference. 

obviously, these little tricks just barely scratch the surface of how you can take control of your grocery spending and keep all that extra money in your pockets. hopefully this post has opened up a pandoras box for this topic.

now these are just my favorite grocery hacks, whats your go-to tip for saving money on groceries? 

how to take an extended hiatus from blogging without losing all your blog friends.

regular readers (if i have many left) already know about this, but in case you missed it, this summer was really weird. james worked out of town six days a week for a long time, and continued to work satudays (which is really unusual with his job) all the way up until after school started (he even worked a SUNDAY recently. this is COMPLETELY unheard of). because jamess hours have been super inconsistent for, well, out entire marriage, none of us is really used to not having james around all the thine (though i will admit that six months in a row of financial stability has been totes amazeballs). obviously with all this happening, plus me transitioning to working from home AND going to school three days a week, we have had, well, a prolonged season of transition. to be completely honest, were still figuring out how to make this work, but thats a topic for another day. 

long story short, with all this craziness going on, this here blog (and of course, the etsy shop) became terribly neglected. i used to post four (sometimes even five) times a week, every week, have new product in the shop most weeks, AND keep my editorial calendar a month ahead. but life happened and i lost my grip on blogging (and etsy-ing). 

being the defeatist quitter that i am (not being self-deprecating here, just being honest), i figured that if i couldnt keep my blog in tip-top shape id lose all my readers and i might as well give up. but surprisingly, i noticed after a few weeks that my blog wasnt going completely dead. yes my traffic was lower, and the percentage of probably-not-so-legitimate page views is maybe a bit more visible, BUT my daily traffic (even on days that i dont post) seems to be hovering around where it was maybe a year ago when i really started promoting myself. and when i do post, I'm still getting enough response (views, comments, etc.) that make it pretty obvious that not everyone has forgotten about me. 

which is really pretty awesome. but now that ive had some time to think about it. this wasnt really because of chance, or even that my blog friends are just way more awesome than others (though they are_ but also because of a few things that i did, that (knowingly or not) kept this little blog from going COMPLETELY dead during my absence. 

and since all the holiday craziness is coming up and I'm sure lots of you kind folks would like to take a breather, i thought id share some advice on how to keep things going (even when you arent blogging regularly:

1. stay active on social media. we all know by now that most of our personal connections are going to happen through social media rather than full blown blog content, right? well conveniently enough, it just so happens that staying active on social media (posting pictures, asking questions, sharing content you like) happens to take way less time and effort than writing full blog posts. during my break i spent some extra time developing my instagram, and you know what? its been great: i still got to keep up with my existing blog friends, i made some new ones, and it helped me find the inspiration to get writing again. 

2. pin all your posts on pinterest. i dont know about you, but quite a lot of my referring traffic comes from pinterest. and that wouldnt have happened if i hadnt pinned every. single. one. of my posts and images (whether i really thought they were all that pinnable or not) onto  the appropriate pinterest board. if youre not already doing this, start now. and when you have time, go back and do all your old posts. really. 

3. write reusable, perennial continent. a big reason my blog still has (a teeny tiny bit of) traffic even when im not posting is that the majority of my (recent) posts are (at least somewhat) perennial. and by that i mean, people still read them even weeks (or months) after i originally posted them, because what ive posted is still relevant and useful at any time. this is the main reason that ive shifted my content away from daily family life (which, while i do love writing it, doesnt have much of a shelf life when im not posting consistently) to more things like crafts, recipes, and tips. finding a good balance of timely and timeless posts seems to be the key here. 

4. write when you can. to be completely honest, the main reason i havent gotten to post much, is because im just simply not home much. and when i am home and have time to spend at the computer, i usually have jamberry or homework related things to handle. for a long time i was frustrated that i never had time to write posts, but then i started using early mornings and my breaks at school to write my posts in my notebook and make the graphics i need on my phone, so that way the only thing i need to do at the computer is type (and edit photos if necessary). the posts i write ahead of time dont always get published right away, but when i have a day with free computer time, i can bust out a post or three in no time at all. 

5. use your downtime wisely. not blogging consistently every week surprisingly meant that i had quite a bit more time to think about blogging: what i should write about, where i should go next, how i should change, etc., and instead of just sitting in my frustration about not having time to post, i used that time to brainstorm ideas, figure out my identity as a blogger, and i even booked a coaching call with kayli (which i highly recommend) to get a second (not-husband-cause-he-just-thinks-everything-is-great) opinion on where i should be headed. even though i didnt know when this break would end, i knew what to do when it did, which made it a lot easier to...

6. ease yourself back in. you know that perfectionist thing? well one side effect was that i kept telling myself i couldnt go back to blogging until AFTER i had an editorial calendar done for at LEAST a month and could go back to posting four times a week. and you know what? im not exactly in a position to do either of those things. so instead, im doing what i can, when i can, and slowly easing my way back into blogging. someday i may get back to my old pace, but if not, at least i didnt give up. 

7. dont compromise your content. it can be tempting to throw up a lame post or do something sponsored that you wouldnt normally do when you arent feeling inspired. i know, ive done it. but sometimes no post is better than something that doesnt fit (or worse, compromises your brand). sometimes something is better than nothing. but sometimes its not. 

8. most importantly, DONT APOLOGIZE. explain if you need to (especially, for instance, if the reason for your absence is relevant to the content of your post, like this one), but you DO NOT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR NOT KEEPING UP YOUR SCHEDULE. im not even going to elaborate here, you just dont have to. 

so if youre currently taking a break, planning taking a break, or are coming back from an unintentional break (like i am) i hope that you find these tips helpful! cause what are blog friends for if we dont help each other out once in a while? 

7 tips for throwing an awesome theme party on a budget.

honestly, i thought id be back to a (somewhat) regular writing schedule once school settled down (which it did a couple weeks ago), BUT it just so happened that finally settling into a school routine coincided perfectly with the craziness that goes along with planning/executing alices birthday party. and while i really, really do want to show you what ive been working on for alices party, i figured it would be best to wait until the official party post to share. 

instead, today i want to talk about throwing an awesome theme party on a budget. because, thats kind of my thing. i like to think of myself as somewhat of an expert in this department (not nearly as much as an expert as my mom, but shes thrown about 71 more kids birthday parties than i have so....), and really, whats not to love here? i mean, who doesnt love an awesome party? (actually, ive recently learned that there are some moms who really like to talk crap about the moms that throw theme parties but obviously i dont write this blog for them) but obviously not everyone has the budget to go all out with a pro party planner and everything (though if you do, i totally know one)

so without any further ado, here are a few of my (tried and true) tips to save a little $$$ on your party budget, without sacrificing an ounce of awesome. 

1. stick with re-usable decor. preferably things you already own. first off (obviously) buying new, disposable decor is basically just buying things to throw away almost immediately. might as well just be throwing away dollar bills while your at it. secondly, tablecloths, cake stands, platters, vases, etc. all look a million percent better when theyre the real deal. now you have two options here: utilizing things you already own, or investing a little more money in some reusable party decor. either way, your party will not only look more put together, youll also save yourself some money (either right away or in the long run). oh and youll also save yourself TONS of shopping time for when the next party rolls around. 

2. just skip the themed paper goods. i know the first place your mind goes with a theme party is to get the plates and cups and napkins and whatever to go with that particular theme. dont do it. just dont. theyre expensive, and theyre just going to be used for a minute and thrown right away. im going to be completely blunt here: paper plates are just glorified trash. you can get a bulk pack of plain dessert plates or napkins at smart and final for the same price as one little pack of hello kitty napkins, and nobody will care. i promise. 

3. schedule your party to avoid mealtime. think about it: if the party isnt at lunch (or dinner) time, you dont have to serve lunch (or dinner), and you can get away with just serving snacks. this not only cuts your food budget WAAAYYY down, but also keeps the party brief (majorly important when small children are involved), AND makes cute table set ups even easier. a win-win-win all around. 

4. cut your menu options in half. yes, literally half. if you were thinking "snacks and desserts" just do dessert. if you were thinking "hotdogs and hamburgers" just pick one. this saves you money by allowing you to buy fewer things in bulk, gives you less things to deal with on party day, and saves you from having to throw out that watermelon or veggie tray that nobody touched and nobody wants because it was left out in the sun all day. 

5. free printables. seriously, whatever theme you had in mind, the internet has millions of free printables for it. basically ALL of the decor for alices adventure time party last year was free printables. banners, tags, labels, games, all of that you can find as a free printable. 

6. diy your invitations. and no, you dont have to be a graphic design wunderkind to do this and still have it look great. last year i bought a custom invitation graphic on etsy for like $10, and got them printed at target (with a photo lab coupon, obviously), and paid a grand total of $14 for all of her invitations. this year i was a little braver and designed her invites in the a beautiful mess app, got them printed at target, and spent just under $7, for WAY more invitations than we bought last year. also, if youre not as old-school as i am, emailing invites is completely free. 

7. ditch the goodie bags. im sure theres some old outdated etiquette rule that says when you invite someone to a party you HAVE to give them a gift in return or else YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON THAT HAS NO BUSINESS THROWING PARTIES. but lets be real here, unless youve got an idea for a favor that actually has some kind of use beyond the party itself (last year for alice i used free printables to design adventure time buttons, but no favors were involved in her first birthday or this one), that baggie filled with stickers and fruit snacks and a whistle is going to be eaten/lost/in the trash within the day. 

these are just a few of the tricks that ive used to keep all of alices parties on budget, without looking/feeling like were skimping on anything. 

i want to know, do you have any great tips for saving money on parties? let me know in the comments!6

why my hair is still so long and glorious (even after i bleached the crap out of it)

if i were to pick the number one thing i get the most comments/questions about from curious strangers (and especially hairstylists), hands down id have to say its my hair. actually, now that i get to thinking about it, my hair has been much more perplexing to strangers since its been long and blonde than it ever was when it was, say, blue. 

i get asked if its my real color (oh heck no, im half asian, its almost black), if its all mine (no extensions here, my hairs actually too thick for them to clip in without looking stupid), how i do it (just regular old bleach powder and 40 volume developer at home), if i spend a lot of money on it (nope, only about $30 a year), but mainly i get asked this: "HOW?!? how is your hair still so long and shiny after you bleach it? i thought you were never, ever supposed to bleach your hair like that because everything anyones ever said about beauty is that bleaching your hair turns it into straw". 

well, today im going to elaborate a little on why exactly my hairs the way it is (and consequently, why just about everything youve ever known about hair care is wrong). so why is my hair so long and glorious even after i bleached the crap out of it?

(disclaimer: this is absolutely NOT an advice or tutorial post and i am NOT a licensed cosmetologist and do NOT expect to do anything i say and expect it to come out perfectly because "victoria said it would work". no, im just sharing what i do with my hair)

a few reasons, mainly: 

1. genetics. i may be half asian, but my hair is 100% asian. asian hair has a thicker, flatter cuticle layer thats harder to damage. obviously im taking serious advantage of that. 

2. i only bleach the roots. this is the MAIN difference between me and most folks who regularly change the color of their hair. i ONLY bleach the new, fresh, undamaged hair at my roots, NEVER the parts that have already been bleached. when you bleach (or color) over color (or bleach) your hair gets more and more fried. i dont do that. 

3. i go a LONG time between touch ups. i wait till my roots are at least an inch long (usually takes 3 months or so), so my hair is rarely exposed to the bleach chemicals. 

4. i rarely brush it. brushing your hair (especially when its long) speeds up breakage, so i only do it when ABSOLUTELY neccesarry. and i never, ever brush it wet (thats like the worst thing you could ever do to damaged hair). 

5. i wash it even less. washing your hair with shampoo strips it of the natural oils that keep it strong and healthy. i wash my hair once a week. sometimes i can get away with less. while im definitely not part of the "no poo" movement, im very anti-washing-your-hair-everyday. 

6. i dont use heat tools. aside from my weekly blow out, i dont use any other heat tools. i dont even own a flat iron or rollers, and i only bust out my curling iron for very special occasions. 

these six things work together to keep my hair (relatively) healthy so that it can grow absurdly long despite my incessant bleaching. 

how do you keep your hair healthy? do you have any unconventional hair tips? id love to hear about them in the comments!