Monday, October 10, 2016

hello 27 (goodbye poverty luxe.)

assuming you have fast enough internet that the picture loaded before the words (is slow internet still a thing?), youre probably like, "WHAT THE HELL, VICTORIA?!?!", but just in case it didnt, im going to type it right here: tonight, on the eve of my twenty seventh birthday, im ending my "career" as a blogger here on poverty luxe. i know this may come as a shock to the approximately three people that still read here, especially since my last few sporadic posts made sure to include something about "definitely wanting to continue blogging", but... for me, right now, it feels like the natural next step given whats been going on lately. 

and i couldnt possibly pick a more perfect time to do it than my last night of being 26. 

i started 26 at by far the lowest low that id ever seen. thankfully i didnt stay there, but obviously in order for that to happen there needed to be a considerable amount of growth and change. which there was, and im both incredibly proud and incredibly grateful for all the ways ive changed this year and all the things weve accomplished. 26 started off terrible but ive been joking for a while (mainly to myself because i dont have any friends) that 26 was the year that all my dreams came true: i bought an actual car, found (and worked) my dream job, finally got my teenage crush to pay attention to me (in real life!), and (just last month) moved into a not-terrible apartment with TWO BEDROOMS. meaning, the kids can go to sleep and james can watch tv (because we have one now) and i can do whatever i want and NOBODY IS BOTHERING ANYBODY. its amazing. life isnt perfect, and it never will be, but 26 is one of those years that was definitely full in a good way. 

but ive also changed a lot. im not who i was a year ago and im DEFINITELY not who i was when i started this blog three and a half years ago: when i started this blog, i was in a really bad place, and i needed an outlet to be creative and to distract me from how miserable i was with everything that was going on in my life at the time. blogging gave me a place to pretend that i had it all together and for a while it really did help me to feel happier. but it wasnt real happiness so much as it was the illusion of happiness, and what i didnt realize (until just a couple days ago when i was wrestling with how and when i was going to write this post) was that because i spent so much time on crafting the illusion of happiness, i had tricked myself into thinking that i was actually working on making myself happier. but i wasnt. happiness (for me) doesnt come from the things i do online, whether its sharing a craft or a recipe or a listicle about minimalism, it comes from the things im actually doing in actual real life, and i can honestly say, that this year of not really blogging anymore has been one of the happiest of my entire life. 

theres also the branding issue. branding in the blogging world is a really tricky thing, and, not that i did a great job at branding poverty luxe, its still a pretty specific brand with a pretty specific connotation. and its a brand that im just not sure i identify with anymore. i mean, we dont have that much money than we did when i started this whole thing, but im not letting that define us and our lifestyle anymore. any time ive had an idea for new content lately ive had to really stretch myself to make it fit into the poverty luxe brand and by time i can make it work im over it. so i was left with two choices: i could rebrand this site, or i could start fresh somewhere new. 

which brings us to my last point: my personal/career goals have changed so much, that maintaining a lifestyle blog of crafts and recipes and listicles about minimalism just isnt a productive use of my time and energy. the older i get and the closer i get to graduating and the more i get to do my weird little jobs in the creative sphere the more i realize that my original intention of having a million babies and staying home with an etsy shop or something just isnt where my life is headed. it turns out that freelance teaching/pattern making is a way more viable path for us, given my recently discovered need to be not at home sometimes and my not so recently discovered but recently begrudgingly accepted as not ever going away expensive tastes. 

even though i really feel like my time as a blogger is over (and i genuinely do feel really good about this decision), i am definitely too much of a self absorbed insecure millennial to not maintain an internet presence (also theres that aspiring freelancer thing), so if you want to stay in touch, there are a few options for you: 1. instagram is basically like a blog anyway that i just happen to update a lot more frequently, 2. twitter is where i say a lot of hilarious things mostly about my kids, and 3. you are always more than welcome to send me an email ( also, ill probably have a new, not-branded website up soon thats a bit more relevant to the direction ive been heading in, which will be announced on social media when that happens. also, because i really do genuinely enjoy writing im probably going to actually start working on that memoir i was going to write when i was 19 and then forgot about until my internet friend carrie anne tweeted about writing a memoir (why did i think i could write a memoir at 19? youll see when you read the memoir). 

as for the content here, im probably going to stop renewing my domain name but leave the old posts up since it seems like a lot of people need help making fitted sheets (thats one of the few posts that still gets traffic). 

and before i close the chapter of my life that revolved around this little blog, and move on to whats next, i just want to say thank you to the internet for being so kind and letting me do my thing here and being mostly supportive and not starting a GOMI thread about me. youre the best, internet. 

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