Friday, November 14, 2014

a frustrating season and a reminder that we need this.

outfit details: 

top: jc penney (very old)
shorts: vintage
shoes: elorie (purchased from gilt)
glasses: zenni optical

if i were to describe how life is going right now, id say were in a frustrating season. and i dont just mean that because im still wearing shorts and its freaking NOVEMBER, its just that (as ive mentioned before) its that were in this prolonged season of transition. there are just so many things changing and they just wont quit moving around. have i mentioned lately how much i hate change? even though i do realize that all of these changes are moving our family forward into the kind of life that we want to have, its still frustrating. 

so, so frustrating. here are a few of the things im struggling with: 

school. this semester im in three classes. i know that doesnt sound like a lot but theyre all COMPLETELY different and have completely separate supplies and commitments. all three classes are only one day a week, so theyre LONG. im gone a lot. way more than id like to be, and when i am home, i have homework to do, or maybe i just want to sleep. its thrown a huge wrench in our weekly routines and takes so much out of me that i often feel like i cant give my best to james and alice (my priority), and honestly, i just dont have any energy left for any other family and friends. i feel like im failing everybody right now. also, i finally sat down with a fall and spring schedule to figure out what order i need to take the rest of my classes in, and the way things are set up at my school (assuming nothing gets cancelled or messed up), i wont graduate until the spring of 2017. 

work. not working at joanns anymore has been a HUGE relief, and so far, jamberry has been even more of a blessing than i could have imagined. but im starting a whole new job from scratch. everything is a learning experience, and since my time and energy are severely limited, its nearly impossible for me to stay on top of running parties, booking more parties, promoting on social media, pursuing consultant leafs, managing my team (were 12 strong now!), ordering supplies, and all the other things that being a consultant entails (no, that was NOT an exhaustive list of things i do). because of this, my workload tends to flip-flop from tons of work to none and back the other way every couple of weeks. and the fact that I'm just not naturally great at being my own boss? not helping. 

my health. honestly, my health hasnt been particularly bad lately, its just that its never all that good. i acknowledge and take full responsibility for taking on WAY more than my frail body can realistically handle, but at the same time, i kind of need it to cooperate. 

jamess job. since this spring, james has been working a ton. i mean, his schedule is only just now slowing down for winter. but hes still gone a lot, and i dont usually have the help that i need/am used to having. also, a variety of (not having anything to do with us) circumstances have put him about six months behind where he should be in his apprenticeship program. meaning, we have at least another two years before he journeys out and we dont have to deal with school week anymore. were probably going to graduate around the same time at this rate. 

but through all of this, as frustrating and seemingly endless as it feels, we need this. all of it. i need to do well in school, not only because ivee dreamt of having my own independent label since i was a little girl, but also because when i graduate, ill be able to freelance as a designer or pattern maker. and i need that long-term flexibility if were going to homeschool (which we are). i need to be optimistic and persistent with jamberry because it IS suiting our needs for a second income right now, and not having to work outside of the home is whats made going back to school even possible. i need to be patient and have a good attitude about my health because well, we all know by now that thats not changing anytime soon. and all of us need to be patient with jamess job and learn to go with the flow, because, yes, eventually he will journey out, he will make that journeyman money, and those quarterly school letters will stop coming. 

but most of all, i have to remind myself to be thankful (ha, i didnt realize when i was planning this post that it would be so seasonally appropriate). i need to be thankful that i AM in school studying my passion and im able to work from home while i do it. i need to be thankful that even though my health sucks most of the time, at least i know how to deal with it. i need to be thankful that james not only has a job, but a job with excellent benefits and a career track that will be pretty great in a few years. 

i have to be thankful that as difficult and exhausting and frustrating as things are right now, they are nowhere near as crappy as they used to be. weve spent the last two years or so deciding what kind of life we wanted for our family, and planting the sets we needed to make that happen. and now those seeds have all been planted and were waist-deep in the hard work part. a lot of the time it sucks, but we need this. we have goals, we have dreams, and they arent going to happen without all the work that were doing now. 

so instead of begrudgingly tolerating long hours, stupid homework, and shorts in november, i will be thankful. because we need this. all of it. except maybe the shorts in november part but i suppose thats just what we get for living in los angeles. 


  1. I hope things even out soon. It's great that you're able to look at it and be thankful, though! Very impressive.

  2. thanks kate! i hope so too, though now i know NOT to take three classes again (even if it does get me more financial aid money, at this point it wont even help me graduate sooner). im not naturally optimistic, so trying to be thankful through this season has been its own special challenge :)