my word for 2016: fresh.

ok first things first: i was really, really apprehensive about coming back here after such a long absence. i was convinced that even if i COULD find the time and energy to come back (and get through the especially difficult post to explain why ive been gone so long) that nobody would remember me and that id just be blogging into a vacuum until i re-built my entire audience from scratch. now i would like to take a minute and say a big fat THANK YOU to everyone thats read, commented, emailed, etc., it was SO nice to come back and instantly know that people are still reading here. 

but i digress.  

last year was the first year that i had done the whole "choose a word to center your goals around" thing, and i have to say, i really liked it. even though my word ("focus") was a little vague and turned out to not mesh well with the goals i made and the year really, really didnt turn out the way id hoped, setting a theme for my goals was a great way to get myself excited about actually doing the things i said i was going to do. 

so, obviously, im going to do it again this year. 

honestly i actually had a different word (and goals) picked out (and i was really excited about them) up until, oh.... about a week ago. but then some things happened (mainly car stupidness), and well... i needed to make some adjustments. and by adjustments i mean we needed to start ALL over and find something else more appropriate. 

and as i was sorting through all my blog papers half-heartedly trying to salvage my old editorial calendars and scouring craigslist for a similar replacement to my station wagon while not only dealing with all the bad things that happened over the last year but also the repercussions of how i just suck at life when im pregnant/have a newborn, my word for 2016 came to me: 

fresh. 

2016 is a year for fresh starts: for letting go of whats not working for us and focusing only on what is, for making our life better instead of just treading water. 2016 is a year for a fresh, positive outlook, for dropping bad habits and replacing them with good ones. 2016 is a year for really making a life we enjoy rather than just checking off a bunch of lists. 

so what does this mean? 

well first and foremost im not going to make a long, itemized list of goals to feel guilty about not accomplishing. but this is what weve been working on so far: 

ive officially quit jamberry and selling handmade clothes. yes, those things did technically make money but not very much, and definitely not enough to make up for the time they took away from my family AND being able to work towards what i really want to do for money. 

ive decided what i actually want to do for a career. im not going to juggle a whole bunch of tiny little jobs that im really not into anymore. i want to be a pattern maker. obviously i cant just go be a pattern maker right now, but my priority right now is to work as much on my education as possible so that when the time comes, i can be an awesome pattern maker. 

were getting back on all kinds of wagons. remember how i said i super suck at life when im pregnant? well... over the last year i completely lost my grip on a lot of my household responsibilities. mainly the REALLY important things like budgeting, meal planning, and cleaning the house. so our first order of business is to get back on track with our former thrifty, healthy, tidy lifestyle. 

im going to be like, a legit blogger. and by that i mean, i threw out all my old editorial calendars, cracked open a brand-new note book and started planning a whole YEAR of new content that im actually excited about, rather than just what i felt like i "should" be doing. 

whether we like it or not, were buying a new car. ok maybe not a new, new car, but this time were going to REALLY research and carefully shop for a reliable long-term family car so that we dont end up in this exact situation not even three years from now (can you tell this has happened to us before...)

but most importantly:

im not making a lengthy list of arbitrary goals to feel bad about all of the time that im not accomplishing goals. because if theres one thing ive learned from setting new-year goals, its that (for me) they really get in the way of (me) enjoying life as it happens and celebrating the things we DO accomplish without comparing them to the things we didnt. (not knocking new-year goals in general, this is just how things have gone for me). 

so yeah, thats where things seem to be headed for this fresh new year. 

what do you have planned this year? do you pick a "word" for the year? if so, whats yours? let me know in the comments, i love hearing what other people pick!

the 15 best things to happen in 2015 (and what happened to those 2015 goals).

good morning 2016! and happy new year everyone! hope you didnt party too hard last night (not to brag, but we just had our SIXTH consecutive new years eve of going to bed early because at least half of the family was sick). 
after yesterdays totally downer post, and before i jump into the legitimately awesome stuff i want to do i wanted to take a minute to reflect on all the great things that happened over the last year, as well as catch up the goals i made at the beginning of 2015, so that we can start moving forward from a nice clean slate. and, what better day to do it than new years day? none, obviously. 
moving on to our first order of business, lets get to the 15 best things to happen in 2015: 
1. we had a baby! not only does this mean im not pregnant anymore, but we also got a really cool baby! and i got to give him a totally ridiculous name without anyone noticing how ridiculous it is (except, like, my mom. she knew EXACTLY how ridiculous it is).
2. i got to collaborate on a rap song! no, im not kidding. my favorite rapper mc lars asked twitter about hipster mom stuff and when i (obviously) had the best answers we emailed a bit and he actually used a lot of my suggestions in his song hipster mom. 
3. i got a trophy in pattern making class! pattern making class was NOT easy (for a variety of reasons) but my teacher pushed us all REALLY hard to do the best we could and when i made the largest collection of the class (11 pieces!) she totally recognized my effort. (sidenote, i never did sports so this is probably the literal first time ive ever gotten a trophy). 
4. we bought all new bedroom furniture! for the first time, our bedroom is cute and functional and filled with stuff we like! and it only took a million trips to ikea and a medium amount of fighting!
5. we went on our first ever family trip! when my childhood best friend got married at a gorgeous but pretty out of the way park, we made it a weekend trip and it was pretty awesome. 
6. alice got tall enough to go on big rides at disneyland! also, her hitting 40 inches coincided perfectly with her turning four so she had a VERY special birthday this year. 
7. james worked at target during christmas time so all our christmas shopping was at least 15% off! honestly, im pretty bummed target doesnt pay enough for us to live off of, because i already miss that discount. 
8. my guts totally calmed down! remember how i used to have like a million food allergies? well now its down to literally only gluten! for a long time i couldnt tolerate too much corn or soy but guess who can have (moderate amounts of) regular soda and tofu? thats right, me. 
9. everybody totally killed it on christmas gifts this year! james got me a boxed set of harry potter books, i got him a bunch of clothes from american apparel, and we managed to get alice ALL of the things she asked for this year. 
10. james and i both embraced minimal living and we got rid of tons of stuff! ive lost count of how many loads weve taken to the thrift store, and theres no signs of them slowing down any time soon. 
11. i got As in all three classes i took this year! which means my GPA since coming back is a solid 4.0! (well see if i can pull my cumulative GPA high enough to graduate with honors though...). 
12. we had some pretty big milestones in the family. my youngest sister turned 13, my brother turned 18 AND graduated high school, and my other sister turned 21. there were a LOT of great parties in 2015. 
13. we saw my favorite band play my favorite record! and i only cried a little. and maybe that was mainly because i was pregnant...
14. james and i celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary! we didnt have the money to do anything crazy so we just went out to dinner, but still, thats a lot of anniversaries. 
15. james leveled up to a level six apprentice! which means he only has two more levels before he journeys out and we never have to deal with this apprenticeship process ever again!
so while 2015 DEFINITELY had WAY more than its fair share of bad times, it had its good times too. and we cant forget about those good times. 
now, what about those goals i set at the beginning of the year? well, in retrospect "focus" was a GREAT choice in a word for the year, but pairing it with 43098574983 little goals was NOT a great decision. i figured out midway through the year that i had spread myself too thin and it just wasnt realistic to do ALL of those things anyway. but, in the spirit of finishing what i started (something ive never been good at but would like to master), heres the final tally: 
i did: solidify my blogs brand and content, blog consistently (for the 2/3 of the year i was blogging), schedule my posts in advance, collaborate with other bloggers, vend at 3 craft fairs, experiment with new designs, have more family time, purge and simplify our home, buy a new bed/mattress, replace the hi-fi in the living room, improve my credit score, get straight As in school, and experiment more in the kitchen. 
i did not: apply for any of the patchwork shows, turn my fabric stash into inventory, go one one "real date" per month, start consistently homeschooling, stick to a reasonable budget, get 1/2 way to our goal emergency fund, or maintain a part time income with jamberry. 
so, looking at the big picture (not one of my strengths but im working on it) i did a LOT more than i didnt do, and we did have an unreasonable hard year. and i learned a lot about goal setting, so thats what really matters i guess. 
now, on to 2016! stay tuned for monday when i talk about my word for 2016 and what i have planned for us as we start the new year! 

life lately + our july goal progress.

hello august! i was starting to think july was never going to end, it just seemed that long. 
heres how the month went for us: we had a baby (on the 4th), and while dealing with my recovery/adjusting to life with a newborn in the house, james has been working a ton (including several nights out of town). its been crazy, its been exhausting, but looking back im having a much easier time of this than i did when i had alice. mainly because (in comparison to a c section) my recovery has been soooooo much easier, and this time i have help. lots of help. like, my mom takes alice for a sleepover/beach day every week help (thanks mom!). i dont remember exactly how long it took me to feel "normal" last time but i do remember that i wasnt going to stores and keeping the house clean three weeks after giving birth, and i definitely wouldnt have been able to do a craft fair at exactly a month postpartum (which we did). honestly at this point im getting really antsy for school to start because id really like to go outside by myself, which i was not expecting at all. 
thats not to say that transitioning into life with two small humans in the house hasnt had its challenges: alice loves benedict, but she loves him a little too much. i am always telling her to stop touching him and fussing over him and trying to pick him up and for crying out loud he is almost as big as you alice do not pick him up. alice is also going through a conveniently timed phase of both being incredibly sassy and ignoring everything i say unless i am literally yelling, which is alternately hilarious and very, very frustrating. some days she is a very good helper, some days involve a lot of yelling and crying (from both of us) and some days shes at grandmas house. benedict is great though and already has a kind of predictable eating/sleeping schedule and LOVES to be out and about so i really cant complain because he is an A+ second child (except from about 5-10 pm when he is the crankiest baby thats ever lived). 
obviously since we had a baby this month weve mainly been living in survival mode and working on our goals hasnt been a priority (which, i am totally ok with). so instead of giving the run down on our progress in each category (since most are at the same point that they were last month), im just going to share a few observations ive had on making big, year-long goals: 
my "word of the year" choice was very ironic. at the end of last year when i was making these goals, our life was crazy all over the place and no one thing was going anywhere productive so chose the word "focus" to guide our goals for the next year. i nailed down some specific things to work on with in various areas of our life and intended to spend the year focusing on just those things. at the time the list seemed very focused in comparison to the chaos we had gotten used to, however, as time went on, it became clear that that list had way too many things. which brings us to...
we cant do everything all at once. even though (in theory) each individual goal we set was reasonable and specific and attainable and all those things that goals should be, trying to work on all of them, all the time, was just, not productive. we cant actually make major home improvements and build our savings account simultaneously, and trying to establish regular family time/date nights while trying to put 100% into school, blogging, the shop, jamberry, AND schooling alice is just ridiculous when you put it in a sentence like that instead of a nice bulleted list. 
priorities change. the funny thing about making goals for the whole year is that you really have no idea in january whats going to happen and whats going to be important in august. in our case, the goals that seemed focused when we made them were really kind of all over the place so...
some things just have to go. like jamberry (the time i was spending on it wasnt benefitting us as a family and was taking away from the time i had to build my dream job), formally schooling alice (she is only three and seems to be benefitting most from reading together, right now were going through the chronicles of narnia), and working on our emergency fund (i now realize its much, much more important that we get a solid budget in place first). 
and some things have to change. certain areas, like our home goals, progressed faster than wed expected and now we have to re-evaluate what were going to do next (we purged and bought all the furniture we had planned for, so what's next? more purging? more furniture? a break?), and others, like the blog and shop, took a different direction as the year went on than what i had originally intended (hence, full-on rebrand and doing more, smaller craft fairs). one of the biggest lessons ive learned so far this year is that long term goals need to be flexible. 
we cant neglect short-term goals. i have a bad habit of putting too much focus on the to-do lists and short term goals, and i thought that making only big, long-term goals would help with that, but what ended up happening was that i made the big-picture goals and kind of just ignored the small day-to-day things. so, i really need to work on finding the right balance of long, AND short-term goal setting. 
all things considered, weve done surprisingly well. i mean, weve completely finished all the home goals we set, started making actual progress in moving my business to where we ultimately want it, and if anything, weve become a lot more focused in our goal setting than we were at the beginning of the year. 
speaking of which, im basically taking this entire month off blogging to focus on our new baby and the awesome new content coming in the fall, and id like some input: 
what kind of posts are your favorite? what do you want to see more of? and are there any questions youd like me to answer?

life lately + our june goal progress.

its officially july now. we are over half way through this year. i am definitely having a baby this month. this is absolutely insane. 
im happy to say that besides the obvious and expected pregnancy junk (not being able to get us out of the house much, spending a lot of time at the doctors office, and totally botching fathers day), june has been a pretty pleasant month. it had its stressful times: the first half of the month james was either out of town working or working terribly late, which happened to be right in the middle of our apartment being all torn up and discombobulated as we finished some big home projects. but, as usual, things eventually smoothed out. 
while there isnt a whole lot of exciting things to report for june, it turned out to be a nice month, we got a lot done, had a lot of fun, and i think were all enjoying this little window of me not working/being in school and not having a newborn in the house yet. 
and what about those 2015 goals? heres where we are now: 
blog goals. 
all things here are going great! i made junes entire editorial calendar in advance, and didnt miss a single post! also, the rebrand is in full swing, and im really excited about everything that im working on (that im actually going to talk more about later because theres kind of a lot). 
shop goals. 
obviously, with the baby coming so soon, im kind of on a break here. but the blog rebrand is inspiring a bit of a shop rebrand also, and i have actually been working on the design portion of both the kids line and the womens tops. plus now that ive taken the time to get to know my new serger, im doing a LOT more sewing (which is awesome!). 
family goals. 
weve had to be a lot more careful in our planning, but (especially after james being gone so much) weve made taking alice out for family time a major priority, and its been really great. alice has also gotten REALLY curious about numbers and letters again, so im doing my best to get some kind of educational activity included in each day, even if its not formal "schooling". also, james and i did go on one last date (probably) before the baby comes. 
home goals. 
aside from hitting a bit of a snag with the crib that we ordered, our home goals for the year are basically done. we're done with the furniture, took another carload of stuff to goodwill, and have reached the point where were re-going through things and fine-tuning the organization of the apartment. 
financial goals. 
things here are kind of floppy-floppy. weve spent more time talking about our budget issues and figuring out what/where we can do better, so were making progress there, but since the busy season of work only JUST started, our savings account hasnt seen any growth (though, in retrospect, i should have made a more specific, incremental plan for the savings account). 
personal goals. 
im all registered for next semester (and im only taking one class, so i really hope getting good grades isnt an issue...) and doing surprisingly well with trying out new things in the kitchen (especially considering how pregnant/just wanting to eat frozen pizza i am these days). also, ive reached an official decision when it comes to jamberry: i wont be continuing my job as a consultant for much longer. obviously ill talk more about this decision (and the reasons behind it) later, and i will run one last party at catalog change (late august/early september), but for now i will say that while it wasnt an easy decision, it was one that needed to be made. 
so theres our goal progress for the month. did you make big goals for 2015? how are they going? 

9 reasons why i am the worst pregnant lady ever.

ive been called a lot of bad things in my lifetime (as im sure most people have), but none of them has ever been truer than when my sister declared me the "worst. pregnant lady. ever." and well, this is a title that i just cant argue with. not even one little bit. because you know what? i do totally suck at this whole pregnancy thing. why exactly? well...

1. i dont do belly pictures. some women feel really confident and attractive during pregnancy. i am not one of those women. i feel like a fat, bloated, greasy whale with about three outfits that fit and i do not want to remember (or be remembered for) looking the way i look now. honestly, im pretty dang shocked at how many pictures of me exist from this pregnancy considering there are exactly three remaining from when i was pregnant with alice. 

2. i dont do "bumpdates". yeah, i know im technically a mom blogger. and im pregnant. but i havent been posting my cravings and symptoms or the status of my belly button or a running tab of my weight gain because frankly, thats nobodys business. also, spoiler alert from a somewhat experienced pregnancy haver: very little changes from week to week and basically all pregnancies are the same. 

3. no gender. were not finding out the gender of this baby. we didnt do it with alice and we wont do it with any future kids we may or may not have. why? because i think its super fun and i like having a big surprise to look forward to at the end of all this. also, there was a somewhat traumatic incident when i was seven where my mom was told for certain that she was having a girl and we were very excited and prepared for a new baby sister named sarah but she turned out to be my brother andrew. i would rather not repeat this scenario. 

4. no names. obviously since we dont know the gender, we havent named this baby in advance. we do have a boy name and girl name picked that we think are pretty solid, but were not telling what they are. partially because of the possibility of situations like the above example of my brother (or the lady i knew once who had baby shower invites printed with the babys name, and then changed her mind before the shower even happened), and partially because once you start letting name ideas out, everyone has something negative to say about the name you picked and tries to get you to use THEIR name idea that you hate. im just not even going to play that game this time. 

5. im really not that into baby stuff. i think ive mentioned my baby registry before, right? in case i havent, its basically just diapers and grey pajamas and a few higher-end appliances that would be nice to have but i really dont care that much about getting. why? because we already have WAY more baby stuff than we need. honestly, i just cleaned out the newborn stuff we were storing at my moms and am considering taking the pajamas off the registry because actually were totally set on clothes. and as for buying things/making the nursery/getting ready for baby? im 36 weeks now and we JUST started...

6. actually i dont even like babies that much. look, i LOVE being a mom, its what ive always wanted to do and generally speaking its pretty awesome. that being said, i honestly dont get whats so great about new babies. i mean, theyre small, which is cute, but they dont do much for a really, really long time. toddlers, on the other hand? toddlers are super fun. im REALLY excited about having another toddler in the house in about a year. (not sarcasm)

7. all this attention makes me really uncomfortable. if it were up to me, we wouldnt have even announced this pregnancy until i started showing up places with an already born baby. why? because the second people know youre pregnant they start getting way up in your business and i am not ok with this at all. im getting a TON of REALLY rude, invasive, and totally inappropriate questions and comments from everyone everywhere i go (dont even get me STARTED on the things people have been asking me at church every week). thankfully i look like a mean, scary person so i havent had to deal with much unwanted belly touching (still not an ok thing to do EVER, just FYI). 

8. i really, really do not enjoy being pregnant. pregnancy tends to get represented as this joyous, exciting, rainbows and unicorns good time where women glow and feel fantastic, and while sure, that stuff is in there sometimes, the majority of it is really weird, gross, and uncomfortable. some of us do not glow. some of us spend approximately 40 weeks sick, tired, and in a lot of pain. i am totally 100% one of those people and im not going to pretend i feel great or am enjoying this process. unfortunately, this is very much the wrong answer to everyone who asks how im feeling and then tries to convince me that i should LOVE being pregnant...

9. honestly, id rather talk about anything else. a new baby is always a big exciting thing and obviously theres lots to talk about: how the pregnancy is going, the fun projects im working on, what were going to do when the babys here, which honestly i dont mind at all. but since im pregnant, all anyone wants to talk about ever is pregnancy and babies (mine or their own or someone they know or stuff they read or whatever). i have literally no idea whats going on in the lives of most people i know (also, i now know WAY too much that i dont want to know about people i barely know), because 99% of conversations i get involved in are about babies and the remaining conversations that i initiate about other topics turn into conversations about babies... i would just really like to talk about something else, ok? 

am i excited about growing our little family? absolutely. do i realize that this whole post made me sound like a huge jerk? of course. its just, im not all that into pregnancy, and im a much, much bigger fan of the baby-living-outside-of-my-body part of this whole having kids thing. 

thoughts on pregnancy, the second time around.

ive been meaning to write this post for a long time, but i kept pushing it back as i realized just how huge and complex of a thing pregnancy is, and how depending on the day, my feelings about it vary pretty wildly. especially when you take into consideration that theres my thoughts/feelings about pregnancy in general, my personal experiences, and this particular pregnancy. i really wasnt sure what i wanted to say or how i wanted to say it or if i really needed to say anything at all but with just a few short weeks (actually, only about a month!) left, and having not really talked about pregnancy at all over here, i figured it was about time to take a minute and share whats been going on in my mind about going through pregnancy for the second time: 

its the same. physically, this pregnancy has been very similar to my pregnancy with alice: i was so, so sick for the first four/four and a half months, had terrible insomnia for the middle part and now that were at the end, im exhausted, in lots of pain, and my weight gain is getting way out of control. honestly the only noticeable difference ive seen is that last time i got terrible skin and awesome hair, where this time i got awesome skin (like, clearer and smoother than its EVER been at any not-pregnant time of my life) and the worst hair. 

but its different. when i was pregnant with alice i was mainly alone: living in a small, unfamiliar town with no job, friends, family, or hobbies, and this time, i have a lot more going on, and its things that i actually like: school, blogging, jamberry, disneyland (plus, i already have a kid to take care of). while at times this has made things harder or more tiring, its also been so much easier mentally and emotionally to have other things besides pregnancy to occupy my mind/time. 

im trying harder. with alice, i really didnt try hard at all to be healthy, active, or prepared to be a parent, i kind of just assumed everything would take care of itself and id be fine. for the most part, it did, but at the same time it made recovery and adjusting to life with a baby much harder than it needed to be. this time ive put way more effort into improving myself, my lifestyle, and our home for the new baby. 

but im also not trying so hard. at least where it comes to shedding my personality and interests in favor of "mom" things. i havent changed how i look or dress or act or any of my life goals to try and be more "mom-ly" the way i did last time. on the one hand this is scary because i really do wonder if ill ever have more than one mom friend, but on the other, its pretty liberating to not be trying so hard to fit in with the other moms, because i know i never really will. 

im more confident. this time i know that i just prefer to be more private about things than is typically expected of pregnant women, and im much more comfortable standing up for myself about the things weve chosen to do differently than the norm (like not finding out the gender or sharing our name choices or moving to a bigger apartment) or giving an honest response to unsolicited advice/opinions, which i was never able to do when i was pregnant with alice. 

but im still terrified. i know alice is three and a half, very smart, very healthy, generally well behaved, and definitely 100% still alive, but that does not change one bit that i spend every second questioning my ability to care for a baby and raise it into a decent human adult without messing everything up. 

im more prepared. last time i didnt buy anything until the last minute and as a result really made a lot of poor registry/purchasing decisions. this time ive actually researched what kinds of things we want/need and even bought my maternity clothes, nursing bras, and stretch mark cream in advance so that i already had them when i needed them. 

just kidding im totally not prepared at all. have i ever mentioned that alice was c-sectioned out long before i went into anything remotely resembling labor? i have literally no experience with contractions, or labor or birth or any of the gross things that go along with that, just the worlds most boring c-section. so yeah, i have no idea whats going to happen here, and i have like, a month, tops, before i find out. 

so yeah, thats whats going on in my mind right now. what are you up to these days? 

life lately + our may goal progress.

is it really june? are we really almost halfway through this year? it cant be, can it? the calendar says it is, so it must be true. it seems like i just wrote the last life lately post but here we are again, checking in on how things went in may. 

i have to be completely honest here: may was a rough month all around. im going to blame this mainly on pregnancy and that ive reached the point where everything is too hard. im tired, im hungry, im swollen, everything hurts, generally speaking i feel like crap and cant do much of anything. plus, you know, i still have a life and family to take care of. and well, there has been a lot to take care of this month: the semester ended and (of course) james was sent out of town the week of my finals. the following week james had school and no one to carpool with so alice and i spent five days waking up at 5 and spending way too much time in the car. i have a lot of doctor appointments to go to these days and alice has just about had it with going with me to doctor appointments. 

thats not to say may didnt have its moments, i mean, the semester is over, and (especially in the last week or so) weve had some great opportunities to have fun with all sorts of family and friends. may wasnt a bad month, it was just a hard month. a hard month that just didnt feel productive, especially where our long-term goals were concerned. actually, in a lot of ways, i felt like this month was really counterproductive in a lot of areas, but after looking over our main goals for the year (you know, the big goals revolving around my "word for the year", focus), we didnt really do so bad. we just had our struggles, but, i guess thats just how it goes when you make big long term goals rather then mile long to-do lists. and i mean, not every month can be april, can it? 

so how are things progressing? 

blog goals: 

aside from missing a few posts in the beginning of may due to finals/james working out of town, ive been doing much better with content, planning, and working in advance. ive also even been able to move beyond stronger branding in my content to working on stronger branding in my branding. so far ive done major updates on my social media pages (you can check them out on Facebook, twitter, and instagram), and if you havent noticed, the new site design is live (thanks chrissy!). so may was a good month for blogging. 

shop goals. 

unfortunately, may was not a good month for the shop. being exhausted and feeling poopy all the time (coupled with having a lot to take care of) resulted in: 1. missing the application dates for the two craft fairs i wanted to do in june, 2. not even touching my new serger to make new product of any kind. on the bright side though, i have a very nice list of projects to work on eventually. 

family goals. 

james and i actually got another date, two months in a row! and while our idea of "family time" has had to shift as my size/energy levels continue to get in the way, weve had some good times as we try to adjust to end of pregnancy/having a newborn type family activities, like ice cream dates and long afternoons at costco so i dont have to go to the grocery store every week. i havent had much energy to work on anything "formal" with alice at all, but weve been talking more about letter sounds and numbers and suddenly shes very curious about math and science, so, in a way, shes gotten a whole lot more serious about homeschooling herself as i find the answers to all her questions. 

home goals. 

i honestly wanted to mark this one up as a huge fail because were having some major trouble getting our old dressers sold so that we can get the new dressers/baby furniture in, but then i realized that wasnt even part of our original goal plan for the year. weve got the living room fixed up, the new bed all taken care of, AND were getting really close to running out of stuff to go through/get rid of (have i mentioned that there are entirely empty shelves in some parts of the apartment? its glorious). so home goals are actually going great. 

financial goals. 

ok, this is another spot where were struggling: not only is jamess income just not consistent enough right now to get on a good "budget plan", but were also in a weird transition of figuring this out with me not being able to do a lot of what i normally do to keep expenses down, as well as anticipating the changes well face as a family of four. also, while our savings account has been holding steady for a while, its about to take a hit as there are some bigger (totally necessary) baby-related expenses coming. on the bright side, we have tried a lot harder this month to break the bad spending habits wed fallen into, so the spending side of things is getting better. 

personal goals. 

ive already mentioned that the semester ended, but i didnt mention that the grades HAVE been posted and i did get a 4.0 again this semester! ive also been way more adventurous in the kitchen, and actually made a legitimate part-time income with jamberry in may (though, its permanence as my part-time job is still in question). 

so, long story short: may was hard. may was not a big exciting month for goal progress. but progress was made, and were ready to make more baby steps next month. 

did you make yearly goals for 2015? how are they going so far? 

what i learned in school this year.

schools been out for a couple weeks now, and i think i can finally say im done recovering from the craziness and ready to relax and embrace summer break (well, as much as i can given how pregnant i am right now). the end of this last semester marks the end of my first full year of college in well, a really long time. even though i wasnt going to school full time, i did put a huge dent in the required classes for my degree, and (if im counting correctly) im right about halfway (units-wise, time-wise is an entirely different story...) to being an actual fashion designer and having a college degree that might actually get taken seriously in real life. 

i actually didnt realize that im halfway done until i typed that just now. which makes this post a bit more significant, i suppose. 

even though i started classes last spring, those classes were only 8 weeks so this fall and spring were my first whole year in college. and what a year it was. i took five classes, which maybe doesnt sound like a whole lot but they were five completely different classes and all except for one were studio classes (which in the creative fields is the same thing as a lab class in the science fields: twice as many class hours for the same amount of units). i was gone a lot, it was REALLY hard, and it ended up costing us way more money than id anticipated. but overall i dont regret it, because obviously, i learned a ton. 

i learned the things that i was in class to learn: proper sewing techniques, how to use industrial sewing machines, how to draw different kinds of fashion illustrations, lots and lots about the textiles industry, and how to use illustrator and photoshop. 

but going back to school as an adult with a life is different than going to school as a full-time student, and honestly the majority of what i learned had very little to do with my actual classes. 

this year i learned a lot about time management/scheduling/not overbooking myself. i learned that yes i can manage a lot on my plate but no i cant do a great job at everything all at once. i learned that its actually not that hard to schedule a few hours a week to do not-mom things and i can get a lot done in those hours, but that three days a week is way too many days (for me, at least). i learned a lot about different facets of the fashion industry and what areas im interested/not interested in pursuing. i learned that i work really well with schedules and deadlines and i do not work well under vague and inconsistent leadership. i learned that i really do love what im doing here with poverty luxe and that my dreams are totally attainable. 

but most importantly, i learned that i do have skills and talents and that they are useful and productive. 

see, ive struggled for a long time with confidence, with feeling like im not really good at anything that matters. i mean, i majored in fine arts, i didnt get great grades and i didnt even finish my bachelors degree. nothing says "yeah im basically 100% completely useless" like being a mediocre art school dropout. except for maybe being a mediocre art school drop out thats too sick to have a "real job" and stays at home but isnt even good at stay at home mom stuff. yeah ive always been good at sewing/crafty stuff but thats really not that important and it doesnt really come in handy all that often and its definitely not a job and i mean, anyone can do crafts, right? 

wrong. there is an entire worldwide industry built on the one thing im kind of good at, and yes, drawing and sewing is totally a real job. actually, its a real job that makes WAY more money than any of the jobs that the bachelors degree i was working on would ever make. and no, not everyone is naturally good at sewing/crafty things, not even in the fashion field. 

so while this year was REALLY long, REALLY hard, and REALLY expensive, i made it out not only still alive (ill be honest i really had my doubts a few times), but also confident that yes, yes i am good at some real life things. and that was the most important thing i learned this year. 

our move towards minimalism (a surprising lifestyle change).

to say that we have a complicated relationship with our stuff would be an understatement. i mean, i know this is probably true for a lot of people, but for james and i, it seems to be especially bad. both of us came into this marriage with a lot of crap (both literally and figuratively), and due to the typically mostly really bad circumstances weve lived through since getting married, we never really learned how to properly deal with all of it. its not that we didnt know it was there, of that it was a problem, or that we totally needed to do something about it, it was just... overwhelming. we didnt know what to do, where to start, or even what kind of end product we were after, anyway. so we just kind of ignored it. for four freaking years. 

but then things started changing. really changing. things started getting better. not "magically swimming in money so we can move somewhere big enough to hide all this crap and continue to not deal with it" better, but "you know what the way were used to living is totally not what either of us wants and we can totally do things that will make it better so lets do that". so we started dealing with our crap. the process started slowly, first we cut way back on what we were buying until we were rarely ever bringing anything new into the house. then about a year ago, my mom had a yard sale and we quickly ransacked our apartment for things that were just taking up space. we ditched two car loads of stuff that weekend. two. car. loads. from a one bedroom apartment. 

and thats where things really started to get moving. we stopped looking only at what we were buying, but also at what we already had, more critically, more practically. we started small, a drawer here, a box there, throwing out obvious trash and giving things away as the opportunity arose. i spent a good chunk of the year picking my closet over (and over, and over) to try and sort out my actual personal style and reduce my wardobe down to only the things i actually like to wear. we started to get pretty dang good at this decluttering thing. 

then recently, things really got kicked into high gear. partly because of the new baby, but also because we were hit hard with a hard truth: we didnt actually need more space. our apartment is plenty big enough for the four of us, we just needed to not have every nook and cranny stacked to the ceiling with stuff. and we noticed something else: the more we got rid of, the more we saw how little of what we own is stuff that we actually use, that we actually like. and there began our quest not just for a tidy, organized home (which, to be honest, was our original intention), but for a minimal one. the questions shifted from "do we want/need this?" to "could we live without this?". more often than not, the answer to that second question is yes. so away those things go. 

and its absolutely wonderful. something as simple as getting rid of all this old crap that we didnt even realize was weighing us down has renewed and inspired us to get moving on some other things that weve been ignoring all this time: projects, goals, even dreams for the future that we were just too distracted to get around to. really i can not stop talking about how much ive loved this move towards a more minimal lifestyle. 

it hasn't been easy though, and to be completely honest, i never expected this change for me. ive always been a cluttered, disorganized, sentimental person buried in things. james too. but what i didnt realize is that these things were actually weighing us down and holding us back. without them, well... watch out. big things are happening over here. 

so whats up next? obviously, a continued series on de-cluttering/minimalism, because ive really learned a lot through this process that i just cant wait to share with you guys. but more surprisingly (for me, at least, cause i never thought id be that kind of blogger), a bedroom makeover series. yeah, miss i-dont-decorate-cant-make-domestic-decisions is doing a room makeover. 

so be sure to stay tuned for next time because the "before" is coming right up! 

a year without a real job (and 10 other things ive stopped doing).

its the middle of april now, and if youve been following around here for a while, you know that the middle of april is also the one year anniversary of me quitting my job(s) at joanns. quitting joanns was definitesly a hard decision, but ultimately, it was absolutely neccesary. we did need the money, but we also needed me to be home more, less stressed out and to be able to pursue the schooling and self employment opportunities that would actually help us acheive the kind of life that we want. and looking back over the past year, cutting out that one really big source of stress/tension/anxiety/problems really served as a catalyst for a whole bunch of other, albiet smaller, changes that, all together, have added up to HUGE changes around here. i mean, im still the same super annoying-uptight-no-fun-at-all victoria i always was, but i promise, i used to be way worse. 

so aside from quitting my job, what else have i stopped doing this year? 

1. drinking soda. 

2. playing phone/ipad games. 

3. buying things just to buy things. 

4. clipping coupons. 

5. going to two grocery stores. 

6. treating our apartment as temporary. 

7. letting my diet ruin my life. 

8. chasing freebies. 

9. keeping things for stupid reasons. 

10. being "friends" with people that make me feel bad. 

i wont bother going into detail about what went into/resulted from each, since really they all kind of overlap, but together all these small changes added up to make huge changes in how i live my life: im way less stressed out, i have way more free time, i have more spending money, im less anxious and for the first time in my life, im actually able to focus on making long-term goals and changes. 

case in point: right now were elbow-deep in some major home projects. the kind of thing that a year ago, i wasnt even able to mentally process because of how busy and cluttered my life was. 

did quitting my terrible job instantly fix everything? no. did i instantly jump into 100% dream-following mode? no. do i even know exactly where were headed from here? no. but was it absolutely life changing? yes. not in the big, dramatic ways that one usually associates with quitting their day job, but in lots and lots of small ways that have added up to givign me the space and freedom to dedicate time and energy to making life better for all of us, in a way that i really wasnt able to before. yeah, i dont have a real job. yeah i dont really have a satisfactory answer for any of the people who ask me what it is i do. but thanks to taking the leap and quitting joanns, I'm a better wife, a better mom, and all around a better person with a better life then we ever had when i was working. 

so happy unemployent-aversary to me.