how i met my husband.

four years ago i met my husband for the very first time. 

if youve been following my blog for a while youve probably noticed that weve been married nearly three years and have a toddler and youre probably thinking that this couldnt possibly be true. but it is. james and i have known each other for exactly four years. 

i know that "so how did you two meet?" its a totally normal, small talk type question (and for some reason i feel like its been coming up a lot lately), but usually i go far out of my way to avoid answering it. not because its bad or embarrassing or anything, in fact its a pretty funny story, its just... im always afraid that nobody in their right mind would be friends with us if they knew just how insane we are. were. still are? anyways, i usually just dodge the question by saying, "well, the short version is that we met on hollywood boulevard", because, you know that is a totally normal, acceptable answer that doesnt raise any questions or red flags (sarcasm). 

but in honor of this momentous occasion, i thought id share the whole story, for anyone thats interested in hearing it (even after all this time we still have friends and family who havent heard the whole thing). if youre going to stick around though id recommend you go get a drink or snack or something, its a long story.  

on august 20th, 2009, i was 19:

and when i was 19, i was really, really cool. you know that "manic pixie dream girl" character trope? well that was me: i had recently dropped out of usc and very impulsively enrolled in a low-budget cosmetology school. because, just like any 19-year-old, four years of studying fine arts in college left me burnt out on the bourgeois ideals of academia and i just wanted a real job. i had pink hair and a really stupid haircut and most of my clothes were either homemade or found in the trash. i was terrible at things like cooking and driving and being employed, but i had a moderately profitable etsy shop and spent a lot of time volunteering for music saves lives. i had been vegan for several years but had recently expanded my diet to include the eggs from my own pet chickens (which by the way, was way before pet chickens was cool). i was really into concert photography and upcycling and urban homesteading. i was really really sick (this will be important later) and my sister and i lived in a re-furbished chicken coop we called "the doghouse". we also had a tendency to do things like invite six strangers from arizona to sleep in our backyard. 

yeah. that was an actual thing we did. and thats where the story starts. but first a little background: 

i never went to opc winter camp, because winter, camp, and organized activities are three of my very least favorite things ever. but all my friends did, and they became friends with a pair of sisters from prescott, arizona. well eventually these girls came to visit california a few times and i got to know them and we became friends too. then one of them started dating this guy and my sister and i became like, facebook acquaintances with him. then like, a year later (long after he and my friend had broken up), we found out that his band was driving all the way out to hollywood to play one show. so we did what any nice people would do and offered them a place to stay for the night. except we didnt exactly any room for guests in our house so we offered them a tent in our backyard. they accepted, and also invited us to hang out before the show, and perhaps maybe show them some cool stuff around hollywood. so we made plans to meet them on hollywood boulevard around noon. 

so thats where the story actually starts. my (then 15-year-old) sister and i went to hollywood to go hang out with some strangers we met on the internet (spoiler alert: we didnt get murdered). this whole time we had been talking to the the frontman of the band (my friends ex-boyfriend), so when we got to hollywood, we called him up to find him and he says hes outside the kodak theatre with their roadie/friend because everyone else was eating lunch. and that roadie/friend was james. 

i wish i could say that there was some magical love-at-first-sight-angels-singing type thing, but in all honesty, my first thought was "ew, who even wears a baseball cap anymore? arizona people i guess" (i felt kind of bad about this, and later when we were dating i asked james what his first impression was and he said it was something like "wow that girl really needs a sandwich. or ten", and then i didnt feel so bad anymore). 

anyways after some introductions and small talk we try to decide what we should do for the afternoon, and i suggested going to amoeba records. because, you know, thats a cool la thing to do. but parking is really expensive in hollywood and we had too many people to go in one car so someone (probably me) got the brilliant idea to walk to amoeba. from hollywood and highland. which is actually a really really long walk. but we had the whole afternoon so we did it anyways:

and it was really fun! we saw an old man with the worlds tiniest kitten, went to an army surplus store, accidentally found an art gallery with a weird show about bananas, and of course, eventually made it to amoeba, all the while having a great time getting to know our new friends. the thing was, by time we got to amoeba i was really tired and sore and not feeling well (for some reason i thought cowboy boots were a good idea) and i just wanted to sit down. also neither emily or i had any money so we were done with looking around amoeba pretty quickly. so we just hung out outside. after a while james joined us and we talked about cameras and music and stuff. we also saw chris rock leaving amoeba, which is really funny because i always tell people that you never see anyone famous in hollywood. 

anyways then we had to walk all the way back to the knitting factory for the show:

which wasnt actually at the knitting factory, but at the weird tiny third room of the knitting factory thats roughly the size of our current apartment, which is probably the absolute very worst venue in hollywood. and while our new friends played a really great set, james, emily, the bartender, and i were literally the only people there. they didnt sell any tickets and they didnt make any money. i felt bad, but i mean, if they had asked me about this gig, i would have told them not to do it. then after the show we went back to our house and showed the guys (and one lady) to their tent and went to sleep. 

now remember in the beginning how i said i was really sick? well at the time i was having a really hard time digesting food and every morning, i woke up really early, went into the house for an egg and toast, and then curled up on the couch with stomach cramps for about an hour. that morning i made sure to do it extra early so that id be done before anyone else woke up. 

and when they did, my mom made everyone coffee and pancakes and sausage and we hung out in the backyard with the chickens all morning and it was great. at that point i really enjoyed james, he was interesting, and funny, and nice. but he lived in arizona, and i was pretty sure he mentioned having a ladyfriend back home so i left that at that. 

they invited us to go to the beach with them before they drove home, but i was beyond exhausted from the adventure and in so much pain, so i declined and stayed home. after all i had the matches farewell show the following night and warped tour the morning after that (remember, i used to be really cool). and that was it. 

actually james and i didnt talk again until MONTHS later, when my sister stalked him down on facebook (thats her special talent, if this were the my little pony universe shed have a facebook stalking cutie mark), and i told her to send him a message saying "you should marry my sister", which he didnt take nearly as seriously as i had hoped. but we started talking a bit on facebook, then we started texting, and talking on the phone, and i really started to like him. 

but i thought dating was stupid and a waste of time. and dating long distance was even stupider and a bigger waste of time. so one of our earliest conversations went something like "you know, i like you, but long distance dating is stupid so im not going to continue this unless we are absolutely for sure going to get married", "i agree, lets get married". 

after about nine months of long-distance dating/engagement, and spending every penny we had on trips to visit each other, we did get married in his grandparents backyard, a year and twelve days after we met for the first time. and its been absolute madness ever since. 

so thats the story. the whole thing that i always hope doesnt get brought up at a dinner party because i dont want to spend the entire dinner party with everyone looking at me.  sometimes i wish we had one of those sweet, normal relationships where we meet at church camp and then go to the same college and get married after graduation, but then i realize, thats not really my style. and it doesnt make for a very fun story, does it?